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| Poppy, I'm not in Oregon anymore |
Tonight I was sitting here, still in Texas, trying to figure out how to start a blog update. Stumped, I read through email, including one from a blog pal who knew I was scheduled to fly home yesterday and asked how things went. My response to her was the tillage needed for a post to sprout. Thanks, Debbie.
Now mind you, I planned this trip to help my aging parents deal with some of the mountain of stuff they have in their large house – his stuff, her stuff, my brother's stuff (he is now in a nursing home and has no room for stuff), and my aunt's stuff (she died over a year ago, and they had to clean out her house to sell it). Early in the week while we were all waiting on tests to be done, my mom and I did manage to clean out my brother's old room, start on another room, and have a big trailerload of STUFF hauled off. In other words, we made a dent. But there is still an alarming about of clutter, and this is a Problem. The PTs at the hospital were shocked and skeptical about Dad's discharge today, as he was labeled a fall risk at the hospital and not allowed out of his bed without assistance. His entire left side is numb and weak and not really under his control, so he needs much support to move anywhere – much more than my sometimes-unsteady-herself mom could ever manage all by herself. With my help it’s do-able, but I can’t stay forever. A home health nurse is supposed to come tomorrow afternoon and palliative care providers will probably come Monday; I am hoping they will be the “bad guys” and break the news that Dad is not safe to be at home with just Mom to assist. In the meantime, I need to be here; for how long, I can’t say yet.
Of course I brought a spindle and fiber along on the trip; ended up with the perfect backdrop spinning in the hospital lobby.
My guys seem to be holding down the fort okay; I talk to them and my sister regularly to give updates and get emotional respite and advice. I am so thankful that I ended up being here during my parents' time of need, so gutted by the thought of all that is to come in the not-so-distant future, and so longing for my Oregon life and animals.
That's the update far, far away from . . .
19 comments:
Oh, Michelle, such a heavy burden for you to bear at this time. I know being with your parents is something you need and want to do, but it must feel like you're much alone in doing so. But I also know your strong faith will carry you and it won't be a forever situation. Sending hugs to you. Please keep us all up-to-date when you can.
I come from the other side of this and know how much comfort you must bring to your parents. What a frightful thing for all of you. Stay strong for them if you can. They appreciate you more than they can tell you at this time.
A heavy burden indeed, Mama Pea, although I don't feel alone. My parents have SO many friends and family who love and check in on them (mostly by phone), including the most wonderful next-door neighbors. But I desperately miss my "emotional service animals" (I did get a dog fix once at the neighbors') and my body and brain are telling me loudly that bearing the emotional load is far, far harder than lifting, carrying and tossing countless loads of trash for hours. And yes, faith is carrying us all through this valley.
Thank you, Sharrie. I know I won't regret any time I can spend with them; any help I can give them. We went through the loss of Rick's dad 30 years ago, a few years ago with my birth dad, but this is much harder because of the closer bonds – and the knowledge of the huge changes in environment that need to occur now for both of them, and after Dad passes for Mom. Facilitating what I can now; facing a seemingly insurmountable hurdle in the future.
Oh, deal girl. I'm so sorry to hear this awful news. It's a real blow when we realize we're going to lose a parent. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers as you do the best you can, Remember to take care of yourself during this trying time. Hugs.
You won't regret any time you can spend, even as difficult as it can be. And the 'purging' of a lifetime of belongings is the second hard part.
oh wow. I'm so sorry. that is a heavy burden. but I'm sure that your parents are grateful for your help and support. hang in there. maybe schedule regular de-compression sessions with the neighbor dog?
I am so sorry you are going thru this. The decisions to be made, the careful phrasing of solutions, the emotional reactions and responses are gutting. Your faith, family, and freinds will help you during the weeks and months to come. Please do take care of yourself as this will help keep you strong. I had the same journey with my parents and it is so very hard. Hugs and prayers to you and your family.
You’re right; the emotional weight is so much harder than being able to physically move stuff. It’s good that your parents have wonderful neighbors and a well established network of friends to walk this part of the journey with them.
“I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” He gives you (and your parents) strength moment by moment as needed.
Thank you for the update, Michelle. Caregiving is not easy, and is a huge emotional burden, not to mention the physical one. Bless you for being there for your folks; I am praying for all of you.
This is yet another one of those times where Jesus' presence, his care, his love, will carry you through. ♥♥♥
Michelle, I am thinking of you and your family and praying for love to surround you. How hard it is when this kind of devastating news changes your world from one day to the next. Your parents are blessed to have you, please remember to take care of yourself too.
Oh Michelle, what a burden to bear. My heart goes out to you all. I am glad that you were there to get the news first hand and be support to your Mom. I'm sure his decision was difficult to make and difficult for you to hear.
Dear Michelle,
My heart is so heavy for you right now. Oh the memories you post brought back instantly for me. As you know, I have some experience at supporting an elderly parent with health issues that won’t improve. I know you feel pulled in two directions. This is far more complicated by the distance geographically between you and your parents. Hopefully medical professionals can help with the decisions - determining the safest options for both parents and allows you to get back to your own family and animals. Thinking of you. Hugs.
Thankyou for sharing what is happening and wishing you the fortitude to carry on.
I am holding space for you as you navigate this challenging path, my friend.
My dear Michelle - My heart breaks for you and your parents in this awful situation. I'm praying for all of you, and for Rick and Brian too. I know the Lord is with you, watching over you all. Just lean on Him, and trust Him.
Your parents will definitely appreciate all you can and will do for them. Your dad is pretty brave, in choosing treatment #3, but He knows what he wants.
I know that your efforts to help to go through, sorting all the stuff that is waiting for help. That's not an easy thing to do, and your poor mother must find it even more difficult now than before your dad's diagnosis.
My prayers for you and your family, will continue as long as you need the support. God be with you all and bless you in every way you need.
Like others have said, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. SUCH a difficult time for you, and I hope that the support you (and your mom & dad) are getting will help you feel wrapped in love. May God hold you all in the palm of his hand.
I've been doing this sort of care for the last 10 years; my wife's parents, my parents, and of course, my dear sweet wife, Joyce. It isn't easy. Faith is foundational. So is the necessity of self-care. It is exhausting, both physically and emotionally.
Other than just simple 'being there' support as a fellow blogger, I can tell you from my own experiences it is important not to get ahead of yourself. Just do one day at a time.
You'll be led from one day to the next as to your steps and acts. Just go with it. We're praying for you.
Oh Michelle... {{{hugs}}}
Thank you all for your kind words, understanding and prayers. I don't have a lot of time for the computer, so please forgive me for not individualizing responses, but I read and appreciate EVERY comment and commentor. I hope to do an update post soon.
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